***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
