man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Randomize
