garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize