The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
