3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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