wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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