You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
