are you so shy because you have an std?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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