i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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