i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm just crazy horny about you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
