Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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