Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
