I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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