Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize