Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
