can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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