I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
