having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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