The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
