I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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