The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
