dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
