also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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