my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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