NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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