Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
