none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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