I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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