Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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