I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
