so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize