Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
