My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
