??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize