I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
