Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
