I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you win again, gameday.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
