Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
ok first of all what the fuck
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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