I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I want her autograph on my taint
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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