Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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