He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
