Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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