When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
high people should be assigned attendants
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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