If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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