yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
