is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize