people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize