69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
