she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
