I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
