It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think I am morally bankrupt
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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