Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
