Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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