her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
