Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
