Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
