Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
