Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
