Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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