Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize