In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
