I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
