he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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