I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
